If I take a picture...

Very recently, I've started taking pictures. And not pictures in small volume. Anything that captures my attention....I take a picture of it. I worry that some people will not understand (or misunderstand) my motivation. Let me tell the story in case you want to hear.

In October, I lost my friend Nate. Even though we had been out of contact for a while, it was a total shock. I think one reason I had been out of contact is because Nate was reliable. I'd get back to Nate and we'd catch up. Probably hanging out with Robert or something like that. Good times. When Nate died it hit me (and is still hitting me) much harder than I realized.

At his funeral, I started collecting stories. Any story I heard I would commit to memory. I told Robert about this and he set up a blog and more or less said "Let's get posting". For those of us who knew Nate it was a wonderful way to remember all the weird stories and jokes he would tell. It also let us share our grief. Then, something horrible happened. I ran out of memories. As much as I wracked my brain trying to find one more memory lodged deep in the back of my brain, I couldn't find one. A lot of people have stories, but are reluctant to share for one reason or another.

While I was home over Christmas I mentioned my horrible camera was out of commission and my Dad gave me a new one. Not new new, but new to me. I didn't think much of it at the time. To me a camera was a useful tool.

As far as talking to God (praying) I do that a lot these days. As far as God talking back, I can only think of two times when I've felt that through and through 100%. I'm starting to think that maybe this was a time and I just didn't catch on. I felt as if God was saying "Take pictures. Lots and lots of pictures." I was confused. Why should I take pictures? What for? What useful purpose would this serve? But I had the camera and I felt it more prudent to test this possible message from God than ignore it.

Starting on New Year's Eve I started taking pictures. Tons of pictures. Pictures of anything that would sit still long enough to be photographed. And I get it now. It helps you remember. When you take a picture you're capturing a small moment of time. Eternity or now (whichever it is) is frozen and you have that moment for later. It's a beautiful thing. Like time travelling.

So....this leads me to why I'm writing this. Why am I taking your picture? Because I don't want to forget you. I've allowed so many people to come and go in my life and I have totally forgotten every detail about them. It's not that I have no memory.....I didn't try. And I don't think you look terrible....I think you look beautiful. You are frozen in time in a moment of the fluid human experience that is a gift from the Divine.

So if I tag you in a Facebook picture and you wish to de-tag it....go ahead. But I was just trying to hang on to a fleeting moment. To remember you. To remember all the beautiful things in this World before the tide of time drags you out to sea where I can't get it again. In essence, to remember you and the beauty of you.

I'm sorry I don't have more photographs of Nate. I'm not going to let that happen again.